Committing to Me, Discovering I’m Not Superwoman

For the last week my arms have been too heavy and sore to even type. My brain and body have shut down out of pure exhaustion by 10 pm each night. I am singularly focused and obsessed with my latest mission. Me.

I turn 35-years-old in 36 days (not that I’m counting) and I think it is hitting me harder than I thought it would. I know 35 is still young. I know 35 is just a number. But, it is my catalyst for making a change. A major one. And I am writing about it to prove to my personal trainer that he is wrong. I do not suffer from fear of failure. What I have suffered from (and still battle against) is the inability to make me a priority.

I have tons of excuses. Good ones. Like, the baby is too young. My oldest has lacrosse. I’m too exhausted after such a long day. The list of reasons not to make a change is extensive. The days turn to weeks, which then turn to months, and before I know it years go by and I realize there is no magical answer.  “One day” will never announce itself. There is no good time. There are no more excuses that are acceptable.

It is time to put in the work and time to repair the damage I have caused to myself from carrying four children, eating more than I should, and not making the time to work out. For me and my body, it is a struggle to lose weight. With each baby my body changed. My weight increased and I never committed to doing what was needed to see a difference (at least not permanently).

For some women, getting your body back is easy. It is a natural process. For others, it takes a lot of sweat, some tears, and a strong commitment to making it happen. For me, at times, it feels impossible.

I also have to admit that my commitment level has never been where it is now.  Or maybe I was just scared/lazy/stubborn/not ready because I just didn’t do it. Sure, I once did 60 days of P90X and saw some great results. But, then I went and had another baby.

I have also dieted tons. I have tried weight watchers, slim fast, low carb, etc. None of which I could maintain very long. I always seemed to make headway then suddenly stopped.

So, this time around I decided to pull out the big guns (literally, you should see my trainer) and join a gym and a boot camp styled training group. If you know me in real life, then you know how big this decision is for me. You see, I HATE/LOATHE gyms. I know this seems irrational. But, I truly do hate the idea of paying a monthly membership to belong to a place that makes you do something so embarrassing and difficult (okay at least for me).

I will not give you a before shot or talk numbers, but I will say that I am already feeling a difference. Once I made me a priority, I realized how easy it was to make the time. It is even forcing me to try out my slow cooker and plan healthy meals ahead since I am now leaving serving dinner in the hands of my husband several nights a week. Do I occasionally feel guilty not sitting down for dinner with them those nights? Maybe for a brief moment. But, then I think about how important this is to me. I think about being the healthiest version of me and this gives me drive.

Now, I just need to get into a new rhythm, so I don’t neglect anything (like I did with the blog this week). But, getting less than six hours sleep a night just isn’t cutting it anymore (especially when I am working harder than I have in a long time). As my mother recently pointed out, I am not superwoman. I cannot do everything – even if I think I can.

Is there something new in your life kicking your butt? Have you set any new goals? How are you striking a balance? Please share your thoughts and advice by leaving a comment or joining the discussion on the Tiny Steps Mommy Facebook page.

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About 

Nicole Dash is a writer, blogger and business owner who lives in the suburbs outside Washington, DC with her husband and four children. She started her career as a journalist and copy editor. She also managed public relations and corporate communications for a national franchise company, but in 2009 started a home-based daycare. Nicole has enjoyed success as a small business owner and is a leader within the child care community in Northern Virginia. In 2012, she began her heartfelt blog, Tiny Steps Mommy, where she writes about family, life, parenting and finding herself amid the chaos. She is an active member of the Washington, DC blogger community and is listed on the blogroll of more than 20 local blogs. Nicole is also a Huffington Post Blog Contributor and writes for The DC Moms. She is extremely social and loves connecting on Facebook and Twitter.

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