Find Peace in Light of the Moon

Last week I allowed myself to revel in the wonder of crashing waves, sand and sea air. I shared a beautiful house on the ocean with my husband, children, parents, sisters and their significant others. The 13 of us played games, laughed, relaxed, took in the glory of the Supermoon on our deck overlooking the ocean and watched the children explore. Every night we were spoiled by our personal chef – my brother-in-law who is an accomplished culinary expert – with gourmet meals that outshined any restaurant on the island. Everyone helped with the children and I never felt overwhelmed. It was harmonious (minus a couple of sibling squabbles early on in the week). It was our own respite from reality – our escape.

We were graced by the amazing Supermoon during our vacation.

We were graced by the amazing Supermoon during our vacation.

Yet, reality likes to rear its ugly head and shout out a nasty hello as a reminder that it is there lingering in the background. You know, the kind of hello that makes you want to punch it in the face and scream back, “leave us the $#2^ alone!” There are some things you cannot escape. There are some things that can’t be resolved by time away, laughter, or love. There are some truths that are much harder to accept. Life is not fair and the people you love the most will sometimes suffer. It also seems like the people who deserve it the least are the ones who get knocked down.

I know I sound angry, but it is how I’m feeling right now. I have written about why I hate cancer before and I have also written about how I am trying to focus on the angels in my life who give me positive energy and hope, but it’s not always easy. There are still many tears and heart breaks and dreaded phone calls from doctors. There are many reminders that other people I know are also suffering. In the last two weeks one friend lost her father to Cancer and another publicly announced her battle with Breast Cancer at only 37-years-old.

I hate this beast. I know that I am supposed to breathe deeply and focus on the positive spiritual awakenings that come when faced with adversity, but this is not always easy. I look into the eyes of my children and my husband and my sisters and all my loved ones and I feel fear. I battle this with all my heart and faith, yet it is there lingering. I will not allow it to take over. I will not succumb to the beast, but occasionally I will stomp my feet and cry and ask why. I will look into the crashing waves and pray that the next white-capped crest will magically wash away and cleanse the pain. Ultimately though I choose love and hope and laughter. I immerse myself in these things because it is how we survive. It is how we cut through the ugly realities and find that space where we carve out a life for ourselves and our children. It is how we find peace in the light of the moon.

 

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About 

Nicole Dash is a writer, blogger and business owner who lives in the suburbs outside Washington, DC with her husband and four children. She started her career as a journalist and copy editor. She also managed public relations and corporate communications for a national franchise company, but in 2006 started a child care business. In 2012, she launched Tiny Steps Mommy, a lifestyle and parenting blog that quickly gained a following and connected her to an expansive group of women-owned businesses. In 2013, she started a digital marketing consulting business that focused on growing community in an authentic way. Through those connections she was inspired to open Play, Work or Dash, a coworking space that also offers onsite childcare up to three hours per day. It is where like-minded professionals pursue their business goals with the extra level of support parents desire; a place where you "bring your kids to work." She is an active member of the Washington, DC blogger community. She has been published on The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Mamalode and Pop Sugar.

Comments

comments

Comments

  1. Nicole, I’m so sorry that you — and your friend — are going through this. But here’s my two cents, for whatever it’s worth. Don’t get hung on the guilt and feeling of obligation that you’re supposed to be positive all the time. You don’t have to be. Get angry, get mad, get sad, sulk, pout. It’s okay. My dad died of cancer several years ago and I was really affected by Barbara Ehrenrich’s writing on her own cancer. Have you ever read Bright Sided: How The Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America? It’s a bit polemical (and maybe goes too far),but her basic idea is true: our preoccupation with stamping out “negative” thoughts is not actually that good for us. I think it’s okay to let yourself just feel whatever you’re feeling, whether it’s negative, positive or fearful.

    • Thank you for the advice. You are right, we have to allow ourselves to feel everything. I understand this, but it’s hard to fight the conditioning and the social expectations to be “just fine.” I want to be good and I want to be positive and I want to find the silver lining. I think this is part of my personality, but sometimes it’s hard to reconcile these desires with my actual feelings. Thanks for the comment.

  2. Beautifully written Nicole! Your vacation sounds like a much needed escape — we all require those moments and memories in order to make sense of all the other stuff that happens. I am happy for you and the family…that you were able to have that time together last week.