We ‘Deserve All Good Things Life Has to Offer’

It took a long time to understand that I deserve everything life has to offer. That I deserve love, happiness, AND to feel fulfilled. A part of me – a sometimes big part of me – thought that since I had love and children and a roof over my head and food on the table, that wanting something more was too selfish to consider. I kept my head down and often dreamed of writing. I imagined myself writing a book and getting on stage to share my stories.

Deserve All Good Things Life Has to Offer

It was always a distant dream because I wasn’t writing. I wasn’t doing anything to turn that dream into a reality. Why? I didn’t think I deserved it. I believed that I had missed my opportunity to do anything other than what I was doing since I started my family so young. I didn’t have the luxury like my sister to move to the big city and sustain myself on leftover pizza and tips while I “went for it.” I worked on accepting this. I concentrated on making money and being present for my children and husband — two important things.

I would sit at the computer and free-write pages and pages worth of content. Always starting to tell my story… and then refusing to save it. Who would care? I’m just an ordinary woman. I worked hard on NOT writing… for years.

I was not unhappy by any measure. I just felt like something unidentifiable was missing. I started hobbies and crafts, only to have them sit half completed in boxes for years. I left my daycare and went back to work in an office for a year, only to realize that this was not the answer. I re-opened my daycare and then had another baby.

I started to think that I wasn’t really a writer. How can a writer not write? Maybe I was delusional. Maybe everyone feels this indescribable hole. Maybe this is the truth of being a grown-up, or maybe this is what being a parent means. You have to be safe and practical. Who would care what I have to say? What makes me so special?

I subscribed to the idea that being a mother means you live your life exclusively for your children and that your dreams take a back seat to your children’s dreams. While I understand this sentiment and believe that motherhood requires sacrifice in many ways, I now know that being a parent and pursuing your passion does not have to be mutually exclusive. I now realize that I was using my children as an excuse not to try.

I wouldn’t save my writing or share my work because I was terrified of failure… or even worse – putting myself out there only to know with certainty that I was not enough. That I was undeserving.

Then I realized the truth. I lifted my head and saw for the first time that this was a bunch of crap. I was the one placing shackles of self-doubt on my wrists and ankles. No one was stopping me from at least trying.

So, I started to hit save. I started to share. I started to write my story. I WILL publish that book. I WILL get up on that stage and read my stories out-loud to others. I am special and I deserve all good things life has to offer… we all do.

As Jim Carrey, comedian/actor and newly dubbed galvanizer (okay that is what I’m calling him now), said in a recent commencement speech, “You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”

About 

Nicole Dash is a writer, blogger and business owner who lives in the suburbs outside Washington, DC with her husband and four children. She started her career as a journalist and copy editor. She also managed public relations and corporate communications for a national franchise company, but in 2006 started a child care business. In 2012, she launched Tiny Steps Mommy, a lifestyle and parenting blog that quickly gained a following and connected her to an expansive group of women-owned businesses. In 2013, she started a digital marketing consulting business that focused on growing community in an authentic way. Through those connections she was inspired to open Play, Work or Dash, a coworking space that also offers onsite childcare up to three hours per day. It is where like-minded professionals pursue their business goals with the extra level of support parents desire; a place where you "bring your kids to work." She is an active member of the Washington, DC blogger community. She has been published on The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Mamalode and Pop Sugar.

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Comments

  1. Sheila Lo Monaco says:

    Good for you and for us that is reading I believe we can do anything we set up ourselves to do it I believe too if you don’t do nothing nothing will turn out the way we wanted to be.
    Publish your book I’m looking forward to it