In Dreams You Are Always Close

It is has been a year since we said goodbye. A year without your Hawaiian shirts in the summer and brown sweaters in the winter. A year without your cheesy jokes and your sometimes inappropriately timed sense of humor. A year without your advice and support. My car broke down and I cried because who else would help me now? I shopped in the card section and ran out because I found one I knew you would love. I felt your absence at every holiday and birthday. I comforted my children and fought back ugly tears as they wrote letters to Santa asking to bring you back… just one more time.

It has been a year of only seeing you in dreams. Knowing you are okay, but missing you just the same. A year of dreams shared by all of us who love you. We swap stories of you eating favorite foods, sipping espresso on the streets of Paris, holding our hand, and just being in the periphery of our otherwise common dreams. You visit us often, but it doesn’t always feel enough. It doesn’t feel fair.

It has been a year since we said goodbye and held you through tears. No one wanted to let go. But, I am grateful we had the chance to say goodbye. To tell you how much you were loved. I revisit that day and I hold my breath. This is not what I want to remember. I don’t want to feel the pain and sadness anymore. I don’t want to feel the frustration and anger about how little anyone could do to stop it anymore.

Instead, I remember the laughter. I remember the beach. I remember your kind and gentle heart. I remember everything you taught me. I remember the love and the legacy you created.

Daddy, we love you and miss you, but I know you live on in our hearts and visit us in dreams. We have all felt you there at one time or another. Looking over us. Reminding us. Comforting us. It has been a year since we said goodbye, but in dreams you are always close. In dreams we are together again.

I Will Always Remember Daddy

 

 

About 

Nicole Dash is a writer, blogger and business owner who lives in the suburbs outside Washington, DC with her husband and four children. She started her career as a journalist and copy editor. She also managed public relations and corporate communications for a national franchise company, but in 2006 started a child care business. In 2012, she launched Tiny Steps Mommy, a lifestyle and parenting blog that quickly gained a following and connected her to an expansive group of women-owned businesses. In 2013, she started a digital marketing consulting business that focused on growing community in an authentic way. Through those connections she was inspired to open Play, Work or Dash, a coworking space that also offers onsite childcare up to three hours per day. It is where like-minded professionals pursue their business goals with the extra level of support parents desire; a place where you "bring your kids to work." She is an active member of the Washington, DC blogger community. She has been published on The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Mamalode and Pop Sugar.

Comments

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Comments

  1. So sad! I’m so sorry!
    Sarah @ Thank You Honey recently posted…Wordless Wednesday AdventuresMy Profile

  2. Such a sweet tribute. We lost my husband’s mom a few years ago, and we think about her all the time. Big hug to you and your family!
    Meredith recently posted…I Have a StalkerMy Profile

  3. Dads can be amazing people, so I can imagine how much his loss still hurts. Hugs to you and your family x
    Tarana Khan recently posted…Ten thoughts every first time mom hasMy Profile

  4. Beautiful post, Nicole, and so sorry for your loss.
    Lisa @ The Golden Spoons recently posted…Dear Daughters, I RememberMy Profile

  5. Nicole I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I too lost my dad. It’s been 3 years but it feels like yesterday. The worst part is waking up each day and remembering he’s gone. Your words sound just like the way I feel too. Thanks for sharing and God Bless You. I look so forward to the dreams I have with visits from Dad. They are priceless.