Baby Fever Is Real – Help Me Shut It Down

Baby fever is real. It’s a scientifically proven feeling that can creep in from time to time. In my late twenties and early thirties, it was all I could think about. I wanted a big family. I wanted to surround myself with little ones and absorb all of their baby cuteness. I didn’t care about sleepless nights. I enjoyed nursing. I really didn’t mind changing diapers. And even though I may not have planned exactly when I would be pregnant with all four of my babies, I felt blessed with each one.

But, after little N was born nearly four years ago, I knew I was done. My family was complete. I reveled in saying goodbye to the diaper bag and being able to go to real restaurants again. I was satisfied and so very sure of my decision not to have more children. I had my last baby at 33 years old, which I thought was perfect. I started young, so it made sense to be done young.

Then I spent a weekend with my 10-month-old nephew who loves to eat your face off with kisses. That little dimpled cutie triggered something in me. A sense of longing. A brief sadness that this phase of my life is over. A realization that I am closer to 40 now and even if I wanted to have another baby, I would be considered “old” and high risk.

I blame this cutie for triggering my baby fever!

I blame this cutie for triggering my baby fever!

I wasn’t going to write about this because I know how ridiculous it sounds. I mean, who other than the Duggars actually want to keep popping out babies? A family with four kids is already huge. Five or more is a whole other territory. But, this baby fever hit me hard. I spent two full days googling things like “choosing to have 5th baby at nearly 40” and “am I too old to have a baby?” and “what is baby fever?”

After two days of “research” I fessed up this feeling to my husband. I was sure he would set me straight and laugh at me. I was sure he would tell me I was crazy. Instead, he chose that moment to say he had thought about it too. That it was sad to think we were done with babies. WHAT!? Are you kidding me? Doesn’t he realize that now is not the time to empathize with me. Now is not the time to be a loving and supportive husband. He was supposed to say something insensitive so I would get upset and angry with him and absolutely NOT want to procreate with him again.

So, guess what? I secretly got mad anyway. How the hell could he be thinking about another baby? Didn’t he remember how much I hated the last month of my pregnancy with all that pelvic pain and discomfort sleeping? Didn’t he remember how I hated smelling like rotting milk for more than a year of nursing? Didn’t he remember how much harder it is to get family to agree to watch your kids when you have so many? Didn’t he remember how guilty we felt when our third stopped being the baby? Not to mention the financial impact.

And just like that the baby fever was gone. It took my husband agreeing with me and being open to the conversation to shut it down. Talk about some crazy reverse psychology.

I’m sure this could be explored for hours on a much deeper level, but for now I am happy it is over. I love my family of six and am truly blessed. I don’t need another baby to fill some nonexistent hole. I am going to try to concentrate on the present and not focus on the many stages we are leaving behind.

But, just in case this happens again, please share with me the hardest part of having a baby so I can shut the baby fever down!

About 

Nicole Dash is a writer, blogger and business owner who lives in the suburbs outside Washington, DC with her husband and four children. She started her career as a journalist and copy editor. She also managed public relations and corporate communications for a national franchise company, but in 2006 started a child care business. In 2012, she launched Tiny Steps Mommy, a lifestyle and parenting blog that quickly gained a following and connected her to an expansive group of women-owned businesses. In 2013, she started a digital marketing consulting business that focused on growing community in an authentic way. Through those connections she was inspired to open Play, Work or Dash, a coworking space that also offers onsite childcare up to three hours per day. It is where like-minded professionals pursue their business goals with the extra level of support parents desire; a place where you "bring your kids to work." She is an active member of the Washington, DC blogger community. She has been published on The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Mamalode and Pop Sugar.

Comments

comments

Comments

  1. For me the hardest part was the not sleeping. My first had colic and I didn’t sleep for over the first year of her life between the colic and then teething added on top. I love my sleep and this to me was definitely a misery not to get to sleep. Yet, I did have another after and she was a good sleeper. Still you never know and truly for me I don’t want to take that chance at almost 38 here, too.
    Janine Huldie recently posted…Put Some Hearts in Your Coffee – 5 Ways to Show Love To Your SpouseMy Profile

  2. I struggle with baby fever often {my youngest will be 8 in May}… I think it’s only natural when you have an affinity for children, in general. There are some people who can’t stand babies and kids so they don’t ever go through that longing… for me, babies are my absolute favorite… loved every minute. BUT, I’m truly OK with being done. Mostly because they’re so dang expensive… haha. Three is it for me.
    Carin Kilby Clark recently posted…Rediscover “Me Time” in 3 Simple StepsMy Profile

  3. Mercedes Dash says:

    I kept having that baby fever which is why I ended up with 5 vhftrn. I wod not change one single moment for the world. Times are so different now though! I will keep you fever free; count on me. Sleeping or lack of was the hardest for me.

    • Mercedes Dash says:

      You will also note what happens to our brain with too much lack of sleep….unable to spell (see above typos)
      Thank you!

  4. OMG! I haven’t experienced Baby fever that intensely. Thank goodness. We are one and done but sometimes I think about what it would be like, but then I wake up. I love our small family and love that my son gets all my attention. He doesn’t ask for a sibling but if he did I’m sure we would entertain it. Great post Nicole!
    Sarah @ Thank You Honey recently posted…The Patriots’ Under- Inflate ParentingMy Profile

  5. This is too cute! And funny! I don’t struggle at all with this- Both my babies were so so hard to manage with so many medical issues, I am just thanking GOD every day, I don’t have little babies anymore. They are grown babies – HEALTHY grown babies!
    Chris Carter recently posted…Devotional Diary: Dear Lord…I’m ReadyMy Profile

  6. I have those days too! I even try to come up with names! LOL What I do is I borrow babies, I’m usually cured after and hour or two. LOL
    Jhanis recently posted…Valentine’s Day MemoriesMy Profile

  7. I get baby fever as well and am really old to have another! I had my son when I was 40 and really wish I’d have had more. That’s funny that your husband agreeing with you was what helped to shut it down!
    Kristi Campbell recently posted…Special Needs Parenting and Finding a New Diagnosis: PACS1My Profile

  8. Talking to the spouse usually changes my mind about a lot of things! Haven’t broached the baby subject with him yet.
    Tarana Khan recently posted…Busy Hands: DIY Pirate HatMy Profile

  9. I don’t get that feeling at all anymore. I DO love holding other people’s babies and then handing them back! 🙂
    Meredith recently posted…5 Things Empty Nesters Should Say to Parents of Little KidsMy Profile

  10. I do not know about this baby fever! I absolutely HATED being pregnant. I gained 50 pounds every time and, with my third (last), I had varicose veins that were actually painful. I have no desire to ever go through it again. I do love snuggling on my 1 year old niece, though!
    Lisa @ The Golden Spoons recently posted…Crock Pot Beef Stroganoff {#SundaySupper}My Profile

Trackbacks

  1. online marketing strategy

    Baby Fever is Real – Help Me Shut It Down – @TinyStepsMommy – #MomBlog