Disappointment

Sometimes disappointment feels like a physical punch to the gut. A reminder that not everything happens the way you want or plan. I first experienced this feeling when I was seven-years-old and my parents sat me down to tell me that they wouldn’t be living together anymore. No one asked me what I thought because it wasn’t about me or about what I wanted. It was a situation out of my control. What I didn’t realize then, is that this feeling of helplessness isn’t reserved for seven-year-old children. As you grow up there are many times you are faced with situations that are simply out of your control. Situations that create a hollow stubborn ache that goes against everything your heart and mind wishes. Part of becoming an adult is recognizing and accepting this as part of life.

I find it ironic that my very last post was about ending up where we are supposed to be, because today that isn’t giving me much comfort. Intellectually, I know that things happen in due time. That you can’t control everything. That life is messy and unpredictable and sometimes frustrating. Today, this understanding isn’t giving me much comfort either.

Today, I just want to kick something or throw myself on the ground like one of the two-year-olds in my daycare. Today, I want to find someone to blame and just yell into the air. Today, I am disappointed.

My disappointment and frustration is wrapped up in a project I have been working on for nearly five months. A project I have not shared publicly because I was waiting for “the perfect time” to share. A project that would have allowed me — in partnership with my mother-in-law — to open a daycare center and preschool at a location outside of our homes. It was a dream that was literally one week from coming true. May 12 was going to be the big day. The day I could launch the website I already built and share my amazing news with the world.

But, this project has suddenly been placed into limbo because of a situation completely out of our control — some major bureaucratic red tape that is seemingly endless. Red tape that is pushing everything back by an entire school year — whether we like it or not.

So, yes, I am disappointed and sad… not because I have given up on the dream, but because I was so sure I was at the home plate. I was going to open the preschool and child care center of my dreams.  A safe, nurturing place for infants, toddlers and preschoolers to experience the world around them. A place that introduces children to theatre, art, music, movement, Spanish and the digital world. A place that would take my current program to the next level.

I know that this is not the end, but merely a bump in the road. I know that I need to put on a smile and be positive. I know that perspective is needed. There are people suffering real injustices and true loss in the world. But it still stings. The endless hours I have put into this project has prevented me from writing enough. It has prevented me from participating in many activities. It has taken time from my family. Yet, I never felt burdened because I was building something special. Something lasting. Something I was proud of and excited to share.

So, yes, I am disappointed.

I have been holding back so much in my writing because I didn’t want to jinx anything. I wasn’t sharing my journey publicly because I didn’t want to overshare before I had enough information. I also didn’t want to share anything because I thought it would make my disappointment worse if things fell apart. It’s ridiculous and hilarious when I think about it now.

I am not going to hold back anymore. I am not going to pretend like nothing has been happening in my world. More importantly, I am going to TRY to cling to hope. I am going to continue my home-based program and forge ahead. I have a few kids about to graduate to kindergarten, so this is going to be my new more immediate focus. I am going to enjoy what I have and place my faith in the idea that everything is supposed to work out the way it is meant to work out — whether I understand it or believe it (especially on days like today).

Have you ever felt that sharp pain of disappointment? I don’t know about you, but to me it feels a lot like failure.

disappointment

 

 

 

About 

Nicole Dash is a writer, blogger and business owner who lives in the suburbs outside Washington, DC with her husband and four children. She started her career as a journalist and copy editor. She also managed public relations and corporate communications for a national franchise company, but in 2006 started a child care business. In 2012, she launched Tiny Steps Mommy, a lifestyle and parenting blog that quickly gained a following and connected her to an expansive group of women-owned businesses. In 2013, she started a digital marketing consulting business that focused on growing community in an authentic way. Through those connections she was inspired to open Play, Work or Dash, a coworking space that also offers onsite childcare up to three hours per day. It is where like-minded professionals pursue their business goals with the extra level of support parents desire; a place where you "bring your kids to work." She is an active member of the Washington, DC blogger community. She has been published on The Washington Post, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Mamalode and Pop Sugar.

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  1. I think we all can relate to disappointment and no matter what age we’re at it sucks! I’m excited for you and your project and no matter what it will happen so just stay positive. You are the best! xo
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  1. […] after my nine-year-old son looked into my eyes and awed me with his response to the news that I would not be moving my home-based daycare to a new location like we previously […]