I’m Learning to Ask, Wish for What I Really Want

Posted on May 17, 2013 by | 10 Comments
Editor’s Note: Today, I am participating in May’s Secret Subject Swap put together by Karen of Baking in a Tornado. This week, 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. My Secret Subject Swap subject was submitted by http://dinoheromommy.com.

 
Have you ever had a birthday wish come true? If not, which one wish do you hope would come true?

Every year as I blow out the candles on my cake, I close my eyes and wish for the same thing – happiness, health, and love for my family and myself. This is my little mantra and quiet prayer that I actually whisper to myself as I blow out my candles. So, I am having difficulty coming up with a cute response to this question.

Oh how I wish they would stop putting my actual age on my cake. Does this count as a birthday wish?

Oh how I wish they would stop putting my actual age on my cake. Does this count as a birthday wish?

You see, I have never been the type of person who creates wish lists. Not for Christmas, not for Mother’s Day and not for my birthday. I’m not sure why, but even as a child I felt uncomfortable asking for things.  I was a normal girl who coveted material items, but I never dared ask.  I was always aware that money was tight, so on some level perhaps I felt like I was being ungrateful or irresponsible if I made it known that I wanted something I didn’t already have. Or maybe I was afraid of asking and then being disappointed by not getting what I asked for in the first place. I am not sure why, but I do know it simply made me uncomfortable to ask for or admit that I wanted more, whether it was a popular brand of shoe or clothing or gadget.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy and appreciate receiving gifts as much as anyone does, but asking is still a struggle. It has taken me years to get comfortable with this idea of asking for gifts or making wish lists.  My husband is all about making lists of things you want or need. To him it makes sense. It’s not about making demands or asking for high cost things, but about making it easier for your loved ones to give you something you actually want or need instead of making them go out on a limb and guess.

Leading up to every major holiday or birthday he will ask me repeatedly what I want and I always respond the same admittedly annoying way, “I don’t know. Anything is fine.”  I am truly not trying to be coy with this response. I simply have trouble asking for anything. And even though he knows I am not playing games he still gets frustrated. You would think after almost 8 years of marriage he would be able to read my mind, but alas not so much. He needs concrete suggestions.  It makes him happy to give me what I want, so I am working on creating lists.

I am working on coming up with wishes and more importantly I am working on allowing myself to admit these wishes not only to myself, but to my loved ones. Maybe this is the broader lesson. It’s okay to dream. It’s okay to say those dreams out loud.  And more importantly it’s okay to say, “Honey, I want those diamond earrings… um I mean… anything is fine.”

So, am I the only one who struggles with this problem? Please leave me a comment or join the discussion on the Tiny Steps Mommy Facebook page.

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there: 

http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado

http://hypnoticbard.blogspot.com/ The Insomniac’s Dream

http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

www.thepursuitofnormal.blogspot.com The Pursuit of Normal

http://themomisodes.com/ The Momisodes

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com Searching for Sanity

www.theblacksheepmom.blogspot.com Black Sheep Mom

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/ Moore Organized Mayhem

www.dailydoseofdamn.blogspot.com Daily Dose of Damn

http://www.tinystepsmommy.com Tiny Steps Mommy

http://momrantsandcomfypants.wordpress.com Mom Rants and Comfy Pants

 

Secret Subject Swap
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Tiny Steps Mommy Tale: Giving Birth to the Same Kid Twice

Posted on May 14, 2013 by | 3 Comments

Guest Post

Editor’s Note: I absolutely love this Tiny Steps Mommy Tale. My oldest is about to head into highschool and I dread the moment he will become an adult and leave the nest. I often fear what it will be like to parent an adult child and Nisi does a wonderful job illustrating these emotions. If you can relate or offer words of wisdom, please leave a comment. If you have a tale to tell, please send your story to nicoledash@gmail.com.
 

Giving Birth to the Same Kid Twice
 

By Nisi Bennett

I have five kids, I am a mom of five, I have five children….I love being able to say that. Of all of the things I have done in my life, I am most proud of this title. When my oldest son tuned 18, he wanted me to start saying that I have four kids and one adult son. I thought, OK sure, once my baby always my baby. Well boy was I wrong. I thought the terrible twos, the independent 5th grader and even the dreaded high school drama student phases would be my biggest hurdles as a mom. I was ready for them. I read about it. I did my research; I even had back up plans if my first few methods of parenting didn’t work.
 
I even prepped my brain for my oldest son graduating high school and going off into the world. I took my kids on an amazing cross country journey. In my heart I knew that would most likely be the last time I could force them to spend time together! It was amazing, we discovered so much about our love for each other. As a mom, it was one of my mothering highlights.
 
As the school year started, I noticed that my son was frustrated. He was trapped between being my little boy and being a man. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but he actually was miserable. He wanted to make me happy as his mom and say yes to all of my amazing plans for his life after he graduated. He wanted to make the decisions that would be the best fit for him as a young man with a very whimsical spirit and passionate drive. I spent all of his life teaching him to be independent and to meet life’s challenges with grace and courage. I taught him to stand up for himself and fight for those that couldn’t fight for themselves. I lived to the best of my abilities to be an example of following your dreams and loving those that love you. And what did I get after doing all of this……
 
The most amazing son I could have ever imagined. I am so proud of him. He is such a caring young man. He has the heart of gold. I love that he is attentive and compassionate. I love that he would rather make you smile or laugh than see you suffer. I feel all of the fears I had when I found out I was pregnant. Am I going to be a good mom? Will I be ready if something happens and I can’t fix it? When do I hold his hand and when do I let him figure it out? Fear, Frustration, Anxiety, Worry, Doubt…..they all came to visit me as I experienced the second birth of my first born child. Where were the books about this, where was the scientific study on how you give birth twice, once to highly dependent fragile baby and then again to an adult that is everything you taught him to be? Where was the mommy and me support group for this?
 
There isn’t one unless your child is on drugs or misbehaving in school or breaking some law. There isn’t a support group for moms that have amazing brilliant children that are living by the pull of their heart strings and are kind and loving and giving. I want my baby back, is the first thought that went through my mind when I realized I had an adult son. And I am assuming just like we forget the pain of childbirth or at least agree to go through it multiple times, I will forget these feelings of his second birth and experience them with my other four children. At least this time I will be ready…..maybe. 

giving wings

 

About Nisi - I love living life to the fullest. I love big and dream even bigger. Being able to share my passion for life safety and awareness motivates me to an euphoric level of commitment. Teaching people how to save a life, prepare for emergencies and be present in the moment makes me my heart beat strong. Visit http://www.allhearttraining.com/, http://www.allheartcprtraining.com, or allheartdaycarehub.wordpress.com to learn more.
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A Mommy’s Touch

Posted on May 12, 2013 by | 1 Comment
Editor’s Note: I originally wrote this piece a few months ago to be read out loud. It is very personal and emotional for me, which is why it took so long to share it here on Tiny Steps Mommy. I can’t think of a better day to share this love letter to my mother than on Mother’s Day.
 

I know the tenderness of her touch with my eyes closed. The gentle way she smoothed my hair and fixed the pillows behind my head when I was sick. The soft melodies hummed in perfect harmony. She is my rock. My security blanket. She is the reason I rock my babies to sleep and rub their backs when they are ill. She is my teacher and my heart. She is my mommy. But last year, I grew to know her not as simply my mother, but as a loving and dedicated daughter.

Last year I stood by her as she took a journey I never wanted to understand. A journey I still think about with bated breath. The journey we are all supposed to take. The journey of adaughter saying goodbye to her own mother. My grandmother… Mi Abuelita.

I watched my mother nurse and care for the matriarch of the family day in and day out for more than four months. My mother prayed over her, sang songs of comfort, brushed her hair, fixed the pillow behind her head, and fought to make her Mommy comfortable as we all prepared to say goodbye.

I know this is the circle of life. The way it’s supposed to be if you are lucky. You are born in the arms of your mother and one day if you are blessed and you live a full long life like my Abuelita then perhaps you will leave this world surrounded by your loved ones. The people you helped bring into this world. I understand this and I fully believe this is an honor. Yet, it terrifies me.

Every time I stood by my Abuelita’s bed and watched her slow rhythmic breathing, my eyes would scan her arms. Her freckled soft almost translucent skin. The skin of my mother. My eyes would scan her hands. Her rough hands that told a story of a long hard life. My hands. My eyes would scan her face. Her high pronounced cheek bones. My aunt, sister, and daughter’s cheek bones. You see, my Abuelita was and is a piece of all of us.

Being a granddaughter wasn’ta role I ever thought about. I always knew I was blessed to have my Abuelita and I loved her very much, but she didn’t live close during my childhood and our relationship was long distance.

But, when I became a parent, I finally got it – like so many things. I watch the love my parents and my in-laws have for my children and I understand that having grandchildren is a blessing and an opportunity to continue the love you created when you brought your own baby into the world.

When my children run into the arms of my mother, their Nana, I can feel the warmth of her love wrapping around me simultaneously. And really the arms of all the generations of mothers in my family who came before me.

This is why when I held my Mommy’s hand as we said goodbye to my Abuelita, my mother’s mommy, the impact was so visceral. Three generations of women. Three generations of mothers one moment and then just me and my Mommy and my Aunt. Just tears and an unspoken understanding that one day I too will have to say goodbye. That one day my children will have to say goodbye. That the cycle, while a blessing and an honor, is one of the most difficult parts of growing up. And one of the most important reasons I will always remember the tenderness of my mommy’s touch.

 

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