Have you ever had a birthday wish come true? If not, which one wish do you hope would come true?
Every year as I blow out the candles on my cake, I close my eyes and wish for the same thing – happiness, health, and love for my family and myself. This is my little mantra and quiet prayer that I actually whisper to myself as I blow out my candles. So, I am having difficulty coming up with a cute response to this question.
You see, I have never been the type of person who creates wish lists. Not for Christmas, not for Mother’s Day and not for my birthday. I’m not sure why, but even as a child I felt uncomfortable asking for things. I was a normal girl who coveted material items, but I never dared ask. I was always aware that money was tight, so on some level perhaps I felt like I was being ungrateful or irresponsible if I made it known that I wanted something I didn’t already have. Or maybe I was afraid of asking and then being disappointed by not getting what I asked for in the first place. I am not sure why, but I do know it simply made me uncomfortable to ask for or admit that I wanted more, whether it was a popular brand of shoe or clothing or gadget.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy and appreciate receiving gifts as much as anyone does, but asking is still a struggle. It has taken me years to get comfortable with this idea of asking for gifts or making wish lists. My husband is all about making lists of things you want or need. To him it makes sense. It’s not about making demands or asking for high cost things, but about making it easier for your loved ones to give you something you actually want or need instead of making them go out on a limb and guess.
Leading up to every major holiday or birthday he will ask me repeatedly what I want and I always respond the same admittedly annoying way, “I don’t know. Anything is fine.” I am truly not trying to be coy with this response. I simply have trouble asking for anything. And even though he knows I am not playing games he still gets frustrated. You would think after almost 8 years of marriage he would be able to read my mind, but alas not so much. He needs concrete suggestions. It makes him happy to give me what I want, so I am working on creating lists.
I am working on coming up with wishes and more importantly I am working on allowing myself to admit these wishes not only to myself, but to my loved ones. Maybe this is the broader lesson. It’s okay to dream. It’s okay to say those dreams out loud. And more importantly it’s okay to say, “Honey, I want those diamond earrings… um I mean… anything is fine.”
So, am I the only one who struggles with this problem? Please leave me a comment or join the discussion on the Tiny Steps Mommy Facebook page.
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