Category Archives: Parenting Mistakes

Why Are We Over-Scheduling Children, Weekends?

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This weekend my children participated in a combined six sporting events, a birthday party, and team pictures. And believe it or not that was the toned down version of what was originally planned. It was supposed to be seven sporting events, two sets of team pictures, and two birthday parties, but conflicts and a sick child helped us to lessen our obligations.

Does it sound insane to you? Does it sound over the top? Are you shaking your head? Yeah, me too.

I am not sure how we got here, but to say that my weekend is about my children is an understatement. As much as I love my kids, as much as I want to support their passions and as much as I want to be that Mom who can do it all – I just do not always have it in me.

And I want to know why I am over-scheduling my children and my weekend?

Do you know how many loads of laundry I actually finished – 1.5 (all daycare linens). Do you know how many meals I cooked – 0. Do you know how much time I spent cleaning, organizing, or caring for my home – less than 45 minutes. My husband squeezed in a few hours of yard work and I managed a trip to the grocery store to shop for our home and the daycare, but that was it. Did I get that pedicure I wanted? Ha… yeah right. Did I get to the gym or the shoe store to get those new running shoes I wanted? Nope. Did I finish decorating my son’s bedroom or complete any task I started weeks ago? No, did not happen.

I love that I am able to give my children the opportunity to explore their interests and excel in active fun activities, but it takes a toll. It comes at personal sacrifice and it is truly new territory for me. My sisters and I weren’t athletes. We didn’t participate in organized activities until we were in high school. My mother was not a soccer mom. We played with our neighborhood friends, we rode bikes, we used our imaginations and we had fun, but we were never driven around town to compete. Our weekends were not scheduled.

I am not placing judgement on anyone, but sometimes I wonder why and how I got here. I sometimes ask myself, “what is the point?” Am I a better mother for making these sacrifices and shuttling my kids around? Or am I actually doing them and myself a disservice by not allowing them the luxury of unencumbered time? I don’t have the answer and depending on the day, my opinion definitely changes.

I work nearly 60 hours a week. It’s not sedentary work. It is sometimes stressful and time-consuming. And even though my job is located in my home does not mean I am able to focus on cleaning or laundry during the weekdays. Oh and forget about making quick trips to the salon. I am like any other working mother who has to leave these things for the weekends. So, what happens when almost every moment of the weekend is pre-determined? What then?

My husband and I are both hands-on parents who are just doing our best. We love our children. We are obviously dedicated to them. This is not a “I am doing it all alone” post because my husband and I are both shuttling our kids, standing out in the sun, cheering on the team, chasing the other kids on the sidelines, and then trying to remember to feed them the best we can between games. We are both exhausted and falling asleep 10 minutes into our “alone time” movie at night.

We look at each other on Sunday night and shake our heads because we wish we could call-out of work on Monday (not really a possibility when you own a business). We both wish for more weekend time to catch-up on what we couldn’t finish (or start).

Everyone knows being a parent is tough. Trying to find time to “do it all” is always difficult. Being exhausted and over-committed is not a new complaint. Wishing for more “me” time is universal.

So, what is the solution? Where is the balance? Is the answer as simple as saying “no thank you” to all organized activities? Or do we just push through because these years will pass and eventually we will have more “me” time than we will know what to do with?

The main problem I have is that I want to give all my children the chance to participate in activities and sports equally. If one is involved in something then I feel obligated to enroll the others in something as well. You can imagine how complicated this becomes when you have multiple children.

What do you think? Are you battling this dilemma? How do you strike your balance? Please leave a comment or join the discussion on the Tiny Steps Mommy Facebook page.

 

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Trust Your Instincts to Protect Your Children From Predators

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I am a fiercely protective Mama bear. I insist on holding my children’s hands when we cross the street. I keep my eyes on my children at all times in public places. I do not like them to play in the front yard without an adult present and my younger children have never had a sleepover at a friend’s house without me present. Yet, I unknowingly allowed a child predator into my life.

This predator worked with children every day as a teacher. This man was unassuming. I felt sorry for him because he seemed so lonely. He did not have many friends and never had much luck getting dates. He was a little awkward. He seemed to miss social cues. He never knew what to say and always came across as a little strange, but sad and non-threatening. The caretaker in me thought he just needs a chance.

I was always taught to treat everyone with politeness and kindness. So, we invited him to a few social gatherings. He even went out to dinner with our family once. I ignored how he made me feel.

Then came the bombshell. Everything we believed was wrong. He was not just some lonely innocent who needed a break. He was a man with a problem. A sick depraved problem. I will not go into the details, because it is in the hands of law enforcement. He is also no longer teaching and I hope will never be allowed to work with or near children again.

He fooled everyone. In a million years, I would not have guessed his secret. I ignored how awkward he made me feel because I didn’t want to be rude. I didn’t want to dismiss him simply because he was a little different. I take solace knowing that he never hurt my children, but that is not good enough for me to reconcile the fact that I allowed him into my life, even for a moment. It is not enough to reconcile that I was wrong. So wrong.

You never really know anyone and a true Mama Bear cannot ignore that little voice for fear of being rude. What is more important – being seen as a perfect host or keeping your children safe? This experience has taught me a lesson about who I let into my life. While it’s not okay to intentionally be rude to someone just for being different, it doesn’t mean you have to bring them into your life, into your home, or near your children.

I have been asked before about the best way to balance teaching our children about stranger safety, while also teaching our children to use their manners and interact with adults. In other words, how to teach naturally shy children who are uncomfortable with adults they do not know well to be “polite.” My answer now is clear. NEVER force your child to hug, kiss, or even shake hands with someone they do not want to be near. Our children’s instincts are better than ours. If your child doesn’t want to, then why force it? Do you really care that much what other people think? Who says that good parenting means teaching our children to hug long-lost Uncle Joe? That Uncle is still a stranger to our child. A wave and a quick hello should be enough for everyone.

Your child will not grow up lacking the ability to socialize, network, or interact with others just because he/she does not want to shake hands with your neighbor at four-years-old. This will come in time.

What is most important is protecting your child because you can never be too vigilant. I believe in the goodness of people and will open my heart to anyone in need. But this does not mean taking risks with the safety of my children by allowing a wolf in sheep’s clothes into my life again.

Have you ever been surprised to learn that someone is not what they seem? Are you concerned with teaching your child to be polite? Does your child shy away from adults they don’t know? Have you ever forced your child to hug or kiss a relative? This is an important discussion. Please leave a comment or join the discussion on the Tiny Steps Mommy Facebook page.

Editors Note: This person was not in any way associated with my daycare nor do I ever allow visitors other than immediate family into my home during working hours.

 

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Do Your Children Save Their Best Worst Behavior For Home?

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Is your child a terror at home, but a complete angel in public? Do you wonder why your child always devolves in a puddle after entering your house? Perhaps your child is a “House Devil, Street Angel.”

Out of my four children, one is always testing my patience. For the first four years of his life, I was convinced he would be unruly at school and have behavioral problems. I worried day and night. Then I realized he was only acting this way at home. He is by all accounts a well-behaved child in school. He has never been in trouble or been disrespectful to any authority figure and he is heading into first grade.

It took some time, but I finally realized that his acting out was a sort of compliment – at least this is what helps me sleep at night. It also made me realize that I was the one needing to change.

I write about my experience as a mother and child care provider on this subject in a recent blog post for DC Metro Mom. Please visit Be Proud of Your Little ‘House Devil’ to read more.

Continue the discussion below or join the Tiny Steps Mommy Facebook page.

 

Photo Credit: Parenting.org

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