Tag Archives: Bully

Day Seven: Give Back Mission to Express Gratitude

Today is the seventh day of my mission to spread kindness and help others. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, please read: Join My Give Back Mission to Spread Kindness and Say Thank You.

This weekend I watched the documentary Bully, which highlights the problem of child-to-child bullying across the country. It is an excruciatingly painful movie to watch. I experienced so many emotions, from heartbreak for the children and families to frustration and anger toward the schools.

The children highlighted in this movie were tormented and abused by their peers in ways that simply astound. And so many times, no one could or would help them. The schools featured did not take the problem seriously and the parents did not always fully understand the extent of the abuse. For some parents, they did not realize what was happening until it was too late and they were burying their babies.

These innocent children were alone and had nowhere to turn. It was as if being a little different, a little small, a little socially awkward gave other children permission to abuse and torture.

I kept thinking, if only these children had a safe place. If only these children could find where they fit in. If only there was a place that understood and allowed them to be themselves without fear or ridicule, then maybe these children could be saved. Maybe then teen suicide wouldn’t be the third leading cause of death for teens. Perhaps the approximate 11 youth suicides a day could be stopped (Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicides).

My mission today is to highlight one place that is taking this problem seriously. It is a safe place for children to go and express themselves through art. It is a place where you are accepted and embraced. Being different is okay there. It is a place that is trying to bring awareness to the issue of teen suicide and save lives.

havenThe Haven Youth Project, also known as Sent(a)mental Studios, is an organization that is especially important to me because it is named in honor of my friend’s daughter who tragically took her own life last year on Valentine’s Day at only 13-years-old.

The Haven Youth Project is a Denver/Boulder organization that is helping many youth reclaim their lives and find their own voice. Lead by Founder/Witness Dylan Scholinski, the Haven Youth Project is making a difference. And they need donations in order to offer their services to these children in need.

Their biggest fundraising campaign of the year ends in 14 days and they are a little more than halfway to their goal, but they need help. Please click here to donate to this cause. Even $5 or $10 can be of help to this program and these children.

My friend’s daughter Sydney (Haven) was born exactly one-week before my oldest son. Her mother and I went to high school together. We both had our babies young, but we both counted our children as the biggest blessings of our lives. She is an incredibly loving mother. What hit me the hardest was the realization that her loss could have just as easily been my loss or anyone’s. It is unfathomable to imagine, but it is a real fear. Suicide is not something we should talk about under hushed voices. It should be openly discussed and addressed. This is how we can save our children’s lives.

So, please donate if you can and please spread the word about this important issue.

 

Good Deed Idea of the Day

Today, my good deed idea is to leave a thank you note for the mail carrier and garbage collector. These are individuals who help us so much, but are often overlooked. I am going to attach a note to my mailbox and my trash can today. Will you join me? Will you make the day for these hard-working people who do their jobs, so we can live comfortably?

 

 

Good Parents are Scaredy Cats

http://www.trulyoddplanet.com/2009/02/15/shark-on-the-beach/

I don't really want to know if this is real or not. Photo Caption: www.trulyoddplanet.com

One of my favorite places is the beach. I am captivated and transformed by the symphony of crashing waves, the salt-tinged wind, the soft yet textured sand and the seemingly endless stretch of ocean. I have to visit the beach every year, even if only for a few days. Ironically, this place is also home to one of my greatest fears – the shark. And not just any shark, but the Great White Shark – star of one of the most influential movies of my generation, “Jaws.” I wish I was lying or simply exaggerating. As much as I love the beach, I am also terrified to venture into the ocean past my knees. I know it’s irrational. I know that you are more likely to get hit by lightning than to get attacked by a shark. According to the University of Florida’s International Shark Attack File Report, in 2011, there were only 29 attacks in the U.S. and no fatalities. But, this does nothing to settle the knots that form in the pit of my stomach each time I try to venture out beyond my comfort zone.

This is why I do not judge the irrational fear. We all have them. Personally, I think fears can be healthy and may even save your life or your child’s. I was reading an article titled Top 10 Mom Worries You Should Drop (interestingly shark attacks was not on this list) and decided that I had a problem with several (okay maybe all) items on the list.

Here is the list of things you are NOT supposed to worry about:

  1. Kidnapping
  2. School snipers
  3. Terrorism
  4. Stranger danger
  5. Drugs
  6. Vaccinations
  7. Playing in the front yard/walking to school
  8. Bullying
  9. School buses
  10. Natural Disasters

The person who wrote this article obviously didn’t grow up in the 1980s. If so, that person would recognize that numbers 1, 4 and 5 were drilled into our heads by our teachers, parents, and by the media. Remember D.A.R.E (Drug Abuse Resistance Education)? Or the photos of missing children placed on our milk cartons at school? How about the endless videos we watched that taught us never to accept candy from a stranger, to never help find a missing dog, and never ever to help give directions? Is it wrong to worry about these things, or to teach (maybe in a more toned-down manner) the risks of taking drugs or interacting with strangers to our children?

In light of the shootings at Virginia Tech, and more recently in France and Florida, I do not think number 2 is a false fear. With easy access to guns, there will always be the possibility that individuals with untreated mental issues, may act in ways unimaginable. Isn’t this why schools now allow students to carry cell phones and practice lock-down drills?

If you lived in New York or Washington, DC during the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, then I don’t even have to explain why number 3 is so real. No, we shouldn’t be frozen in fear, but it is okay to worry about something that can change the lives of so many in just a morning.

Parents have a right to fear number 6. While vaccinations are usually safe and medically necessary, it is not wrong to question and yes worry about the long-term side effects.

Ask Trayvon Martin’s parents whether or not number 7 can be dangerous. Even if he wasn’t walking to or from school, he was simply walking in his neighborhood. Also, ask the 16-year-old girl in my school district (one of the top ranked and supposedly safest in Fairfax, VA) who was grabbed walking home from school last week whether or not it is a real fear.

On a truly serious note, this person is also undercutting the effect of bullying on our children by listing it as number 8. This fear is real and is prominent in so many lives. If you are a parent and you do not fear this, then you should see the movie Bully, which premiers March 30. As I heard in an interview recently with the parents of a child who lost his life because of bullying, it doesn’t matter how much you love your child, your child can be at risk of being bullied.

Numbers 9 and 10, well I don’t have anything to support why these should be eliminated from the list, except to say that Washington, DC recently had its first earthquake and that was pretty scary. I imagined aftershocks for weeks, so I don’t know how you west coasters cope.

I say trash the list completely (not in any disrespectful way of course) because it is okay to embrace your fears. If you think yours are ridiculous though, then read Liz Kozak’s list of 49 parent fears and how to ease them.

I for one know it is okay to get clammy and overly attentive to the surface of the ocean looking for fins as I watch my 13-year-old body surf. Do I shout at the top of my lungs, “SHARK?” No, I don’t. Do I prohibit my children from enjoying jumping over waves? No, I don’t. It takes everything I have not to cause a scene from time to time, but I control my urges because I do not want my children to share in this insane fear. On the other hand, none of my kids have been eaten by a shark.